💘 Valentine's Day Joke of the Day

My ideal Valentine's Day involves a long, loving relationship...

...with my remote control and a very large pizza.

This Valentine's Day, while couples are out having romantic candlelit dinners...

I'll be enjoying the ultimate luxury: eating pizza in sweatpants without judgment.

I appreciate Valentine's Day for its commitment to romance.

Especially how it reminds us that true love only lasts for about 24 hours before everything goes on sale.

Valentine's Day is just a yearly reminder...

...that I don't have to pretend to enjoy expensive prix fixe menus or tiny, overpriced chocolates.

This Valentine's Day, while couples are gazing into each other's eyes...

I'll be gazing lovingly into the bottom of a pizza box.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber...

...but I'm really looking for a beet, because I heard they're good for your heart.

Why did Cupid get a job at the archery range?

He wanted to shoot his shot at love!

My friends asked what my big romantic plans were for Valentine's Day.

I told them I'm having a passionate affair... with my sweatpants and a gallon of ice cream. It's complicated, but we make it work.

Why did Cupid's arrow go to the doctor on Valentine's Day?

It had a pointed problem with love!