Dad Joke Archive

I'm shell-shocked I forgot to buy eggs at the store.

So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a person flying a kite that was shaped like a shark. The kids were thrilled to see it soaring through the air, and we started talking about the different types of kites you can buy. I asked the person how they got their kite to fly so high, and they said

it was a jaws-dropping experience

I took my kids to the library and asked the librarian if they had any books on Pavlov's dogs

and she said it rang a bell

I told my kids we were going to a grape concert

but it was just a bunch of wine singers

So I was at the store today with my kids, and we saw a huge display of eggs. The kids were cracking each other up, making jokes about eggs, and we started talking about omelets and scrambled eggs. I asked the store manager if they had any special deals on eggs, and he said

they were egg-cellent values

So I was at the garden center with my kids, and we saw a beautiful display of flowers and plants. The kids were amazed by all the different colors and smells, and we started learning about the different types of blooms. I asked the gardener what his favorite flower was to grow, and he said it was

the pick of the bunch

So I was trying to fix a squeaky door hinge in the house today, and my son came over to watch. He asked me why the door was making such a loud noise every time I opened it.

I told him it was because the door was feeling unhinged!

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

I took my kids to the dentist, and we saw a toothbrush with a badge on it

I guess it was a 'brush' with the law

Why did the cat join a band?

Because it wanted to be the purr-cussionist.

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!

I'm trying to start a career in beekeeping, but it's a hive of activity

I took my kids to the aquarium and we saw a fish with a sunken ship in its tank.

I guess you could say it had a 'reel' good time exploring the wreck.

Why did the baker stop making bagels?

He got tired of the hole business.

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust.

I tried to make a joke about bread, but I kneaded to work on it.

Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties?

Because he's a fungi!

So I was at the coffee shop with my kids, and we saw a barista who was known for making intricate designs on the coffee drinks. The kids were amazed by the hearts and leaves she could create with just a little bit of foam. I asked her what inspired her to become a coffee artist, and she said it was because she loved being a

latte talented person

I took my kids to the zoo and we saw an exhibit on elephants

and I said, 'I've got a trunk-load of jokes about these guys!'

So I was at the museum with my kids, and we saw an exhibit on ancient Egypt. The kids were fascinated by the mummies and the pyramids, and we started learning about pharaohs and their tombs. I asked the tour guide if they had found any interesting artifacts recently

and he said they had uncovered a lot of old 'wrap'!