Dad Joke Archive

So I was at the library with my kids, and we stumbled upon a book about dolphins. The author was giving a presentation, and my kids were amazed by the intelligence of these creatures. The author told us that dolphins are known to communicate with each other using a variety of clicks and whistles, which got me thinking

I guess you could say they have a whale of a language

I tried to write a pun about a broken pencil, but it was pointless.

I'm shell-shocked by how much I spent on seashells at the beach today

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

I told my wife she was going to be a great musician, but she didn't believe me.

I guess you could say she was a little off-beat.

Why did the cat join a band?

Because it wanted to be the purr-cussionist

Why did the music teacher need a ladder?

To reach the high notes.

I'm trying to start a career in welding, but it's not a glowing review yet.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!

So I was at the beach with my family, and we saw a man selling seashells. He had all sorts of shells in different shapes and sizes, and my kids were fascinated by them. The vendor told us that he had been collecting them for years and had become quite the expert

I guess you could say he was a shell of a man with a lot of knowledge

I'm trying to start a garden, but it's a growing concern.

I decided to take my kids to the air show, and as we were watching the planes fly by, one of them asked me how pilots learn to navigate through the clouds. I told them it's all about getting a little

fog-getful of their surroundings

So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a guy playing fetch with his dog, but the dog wasn't bringing the ball back. Instead, it was just running around in circles, looking really confused. The owner was getting frustrated, so I decided to ask him what was wrong

and he said his dog was paws-itive it was a fetch-failure

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fun-gi

I bought a bunch of bananas at the store yesterday, but when I got home, I noticed one of them looked really sad and bruised. It was practically falling apart.

I guess it was feeling un-peel-y.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

It's impossible to put down

I told my wife she was going to start a tree-mendous gardening career

but she just wanted to branch out and try something new

I decided to start a career in baking, but my cakes weren't rising to the occasion

I decided to take up painting as a hobby, so I went to the art store to buy some supplies. The store had a huge selection of brushes, canvases, and paints, but I was having trouble finding the perfect color. I asked the store owner for help, and he told me

it was a tint of a problem