🏆 Top Rated Jokes

Knock knock. Who's there? Isabelle.

What is blue but does not weigh very much?

I'm starting to think Valentine's Day is just a social experiment

We started planning our wedding with a simple vision: close friends, family, and a modest budget.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

I went to the bakery and saw a pie with a face on it

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go.

Our company's 'no meeting day' was so popular that

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

Why did Frosty the Snowman have kids

I went to the beach and saw a crab playing a guitar.

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger...

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I went to the orchard and saw an apple tree with a ladder leaning against it.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

They say diamonds are forever, and chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand...

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

I've been dating a girl who's really into polyamory, and I have to say, it's been a real learning experience.

I've been taking classes to improve my thrusting technique, and my instructor says I have a lot of potential for deep development.

Why did the couple bring a magnet on their anniversary date?

I've been dating a sex therapist, and I have to say, she's always trying to get to the root of the problem.

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a guy selling shells. He had all sorts of shells, from big conch shells to tiny clam shells. My kid asked him how he managed to collect so many

Why did the escort bring a ladder on her date?

My pottery instructor told me I really needed to work on my handling skills.

Why did the calendar get invited to all the parties?

¿Qué le dijo un semáforo a otro semáforo?

Knock knock. Who's there? Sew

My dad spent Father's Day happily starting a new home improvement project.

Are you a Valentine's Day rose?

I've been taking private lessons from a beautiful glassblower, and she's been teaching me how to shape something delicate, get a good grip, and blow it all out of proportion.

Thanksgiving dinner at my house is a real test of endurance

I've been reading self-help books to improve my mental health

As we gather here today to celebrate the union of these two amazing people, I couldn't help but think about the secrets to a successful marriage.

Why did the vampire go to the dance club?

I turned my morning commute into a cinematic experience, complete with a soundtrack and an imaginary film crew

What do you call a pig that loves to read?

Why did Santa's reindeer go to the North Pole's IT department?

I took my kids to the bakery and we saw a big sign that said they were having a sale on bread

¿Por qué la luna fue al gimnasio?

Knock knock. Who's there? Sue

My dad spent all Saturday in the garage, and when I asked him what he was working on, he said

I've been practicing my Valentine's Day skills

I've been taking private dance lessons from a beautiful instructor, and she's been teaching me how to grind with precision, really thrust my hips, and make every move count.

The hardest part about Thanksgiving dinner isn't cooking the turkey...