🏆 Top Rated Jokes

Knock knock. Who's there? Isabelle.

What is blue but does not weigh very much?

I'm starting to think Valentine's Day is just a social experiment

We started planning our wedding with a simple vision: close friends, family, and a modest budget.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

I went to the bakery and saw a pie with a face on it

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go.

Our company's 'no meeting day' was so popular that

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

Why did Frosty the Snowman have kids

I went to the beach and saw a crab playing a guitar.

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger...

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I went to the orchard and saw an apple tree with a ladder leaning against it.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

They say diamonds are forever, and chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand...

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

I've been dating a girl who's really into polyamory, and I have to say, it's been a real learning experience.

I've been taking classes to improve my thrusting technique, and my instructor says I have a lot of potential for deep development.

Why did the couple bring a magnet on their anniversary date?

I've been dating a sex therapist, and I have to say, she's always trying to get to the root of the problem.

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a guy selling shells. He had all sorts of shells, from big conch shells to tiny clam shells. My kid asked him how he managed to collect so many

Why did the escort bring a ladder on her date?

My pottery instructor told me I really needed to work on my handling skills.

Why did the calendar get invited to all the parties?

¿Qué le dijo un río a la piedra que estaba en su camino?

Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce.

I asked my dad what he wanted for Father's Day.

What did the chocolate bar say to the romantic movie on Valentine's Day?

I've been taking private dance lessons from a professional instructor, and she's been teaching me about the importance of proper mounting and dismounting techniques.

I've been feeling really fowl about my cooking skills this Thanksgiving

My therapist said I need to 'regulate my nervous system.'

I love how marriage is all about finding common ground

Why did the zombie go to the prom?

I've started following all the fashion bloggers who post about 'aging gracefully' and 'embracing my natural beauty'

Why did the cat join a band?

What's a present's favorite type of music?

I went to the library and asked the librarian if they had any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat.

What did the guitar say to the musician?

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

¿Qué le dijo un calcetín a su pareja cuando se perdieron?

Knock knock. Who's there? Silence.

I asked my dad why he still carries a small photo of me in his wallet, even though I'm all grown up now