🏆 Top Rated Jokes

Knock knock. Who's there? Isabelle.

What is blue but does not weigh very much?

I'm starting to think Valentine's Day is just a social experiment

We started planning our wedding with a simple vision: close friends, family, and a modest budget.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

I went to the bakery and saw a pie with a face on it

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go.

Our company's 'no meeting day' was so popular that

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

Why did Frosty the Snowman have kids

I went to the beach and saw a crab playing a guitar.

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger...

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I went to the orchard and saw an apple tree with a ladder leaning against it.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

They say diamonds are forever, and chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand...

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

I've been dating a girl who's really into polyamory, and I have to say, it's been a real learning experience.

I've been taking classes to improve my thrusting technique, and my instructor says I have a lot of potential for deep development.

Why did the couple bring a magnet on their anniversary date?

I've been dating a sex therapist, and I have to say, she's always trying to get to the root of the problem.

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a guy selling shells. He had all sorts of shells, from big conch shells to tiny clam shells. My kid asked him how he managed to collect so many

Why did the escort bring a ladder on her date?

My pottery instructor told me I really needed to work on my handling skills.

Why did the calendar get invited to all the parties?

¿Qué le dijo una vaca a otra vaca?

Knock knock. Who's there? Alpaca.

My dad says the most important tool in his toolbox isn't a wrench or a hammer.

Are you a Valentine's card?

My wife told me she needed me to help her 'get off' after a long day.

Why did the cranberry sauce refuse to argue?

My manager said 'every challenge is an opportunity for growth' right after he announced our department was being restructured.

Before we got married, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what 'personal space' meant.

Why do trick-or-treaters make terrible secret agents?

My male colleagues can roll into work looking like they wrestled a bear and still get called 'visionary.'

What's a teacher's favorite kind of sandwich?

What do Santa's elves sing when they're working overtime?

I spent an hour this morning trying to fix that leaky faucet in the bathroom. I tightened all the nuts and even replaced a washer, but it's still dripping.

¿Qué hace una fresa cuando se enoja?

Knock knock. Who's there? Axe.

My dad always says he doesn't need any presents for Father's Day.

My ideal Valentine's Day date involves candlelight and soft music...

What did the Thanksgiving stuffing say after it was praised by everyone at the dinner table?

My boomer dad told me, 'You gotta network!'