Why did Kevin McCallister prefer spending Christmas 'Home Alone'?

Because he knew Santa would never visit a house with a tarantula on guard duty.

Why did Santa's elves start a newsletter at the North Pole?

Because they wanted to keep everyone claus-ed in on the latest news

What do you call a reindeer who's an excellent decorator?

Deer-ator

What did Ralphie's mom say when he asked for a pet rabbit for Christmas?

You'll shoot your *hare* out!