I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I was at the grocery store this morning, looking for some ingredients for dinner. I needed some mushrooms for the stir-fry, and I spotted a huge pile of them in the produce section.

I thought to myself, 'These look like a lot of fun-guys!'

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because it was feeling crummy.

I decided to start a career in baking, but my cakes weren't rising to the occasion