I've been trying to improve my emotional intelligence in therapy

but it's hard when my therapist charges by the hour to listen to me explain why I'm right

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I'm thinking about starting a family.

But then I remember climate change, and I just buy another houseplant.

My manager told us to 'embrace the chaos.'

Which I quickly translated to: 'we're understaffed and you're not getting a raise.'