Why did Dracula get a bad performance review at his new office job?

His manager said he wasn't pulling his *weight*... he was just sucking the *life* out of everyone.

Why did the Genie get so frustrated at the DMV?

He kept trying to wish for a faster line!

Why did the Creature from the Black Lagoon go to the post office?

Because it wanted to send a scaled-up package

What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver?

You're gourd at that job!