What did Ralphie's mom say when he asked for a pet rabbit for Christmas?

You'll shoot your *hare* out!

Why did the gingerbread man go to therapy during the holiday season?

Because he was feeling crumby about his Christmas cookie expectations!

Why did Santa hire a lawyer for the elves?

Because he heard them singing 'All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth' and wanted to make sure they got proper dental care!

Why was the candy cane invited to all the Christmas parties?

Because it was a suckers' favorite