I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised

So I was out in the garden trying to plant some new flowers today. I accidentally dug up a whole bunch of old potatoes that had been left in the ground from last year.

I guess you could say it was a real 'spud' awakening!

I'm a baker now, but I'm feeling crumby about my new career choice.

Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.