I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

We were on a road trip last weekend, driving through some farmlands. My son pointed out a huge bull in a field, fast asleep under a big oak tree, and asked me what I thought it was doing.

I said, 'Well, if it's sleeping, then it's a bulldozer!'

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

I guess you could say it was having a paws-itive correlation between its eyesight and its purr-manent blindness.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.