My therapist encouraged me to find healthy ways to self-soothe.

So I started color-coding my anxiety spreadsheet.

My company says 'we're a family here,'

which is weird because my actual family never expects me to work weekends for free.

My financial advisor asked me about my long-term investments.

I told him, 'My houseplants. They're the only thing in my life consistently showing growth.'

My therapist said I need to 'regulate my nervous system.'

My nervous system said, 'Just one more TikTok.'