I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

I've got three side hustles just to afford my main job's commute.

I've been trying to afford a house in my area

but the only thing I can afford is a timeshare in my parents' basement