I swear some guys on dating apps say they want a 'low-maintenance' woman.

But then expect her to show up looking like she just finished a photoshoot. Honey, my 'low-maintenance' look involves dry shampoo and a prayer.

I've started using a meditation app to help me relax before bed

Now I'm just competitive about how well I can relax, and I'm pretty sure that defeats the purpose

My therapist told me I need to find healthy ways to de-stress and just 'be present.'

So I tried a guided meditation, but my brain spent the entire session mentally listing every chore I'd be neglecting by being present.

I've been noticing that guys on dating apps love to say they're 'entrepreneurs'

But it's just code for 'I'm unemployed and playing video games in my mom's basement'