My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

My parents always told me to follow my dreams.

Now my dreams are just about affording groceries that aren't on sale.

I'm really trying to get my finances in order.

But my most expensive hobby is currently 'being alive.'

I've been trying to save up for a down payment on a house

but at this point, I'm just trying to afford the therapy sessions to deal with the fact that I'll never own a house