My dad told me to save 10% of every paycheck for my future.

Right now, my paycheck *is* 10% of what I need for my present.

I've been doing the work in therapy to improve my attachment style

Now I can healthily detach from my responsibilities and procrastinate with self-awareness

I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

I'm at the point where I'm considering a 30-year mortgage

which is also the expected lifespan of my avocado toast-fueled liver