My ex told me he wanted a woman who was 'independent and strong,' someone who 'didn't need a man to take care of her.'

Turns out, he just meant he wanted someone who'd pay for her own dates and never ask him to move a heavy box.

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said 'Dog dad seeking same'

Like, are you looking for a girlfriend or a playdate for your bulldog?

He told me he was too busy to text back sometimes because he was 'really focused on his hustle.'

Then I saw his Instagram story of him rating different kinds of frozen pizza for an hour.

My main character energy is so strong, if I accidentally spill coffee on my shirt...

...I don't just grab a napkin. I freeze, look directly into a non-existent camera, and whisper, 'Is this... my life now?'