My biggest fear isn't dying.

It's having to pay for the funeral.

My therapist asked me what my biggest fantasy was.

I told her: a 40-hour work week.

My parents asked if I'm saving for a down payment.

I told them I'm saving for the societal collapse – feels more realistic.

My boss told us 'we're a family here,'

which is why I'm always guilt-tripped into doing extra work and can never afford to move out.