I asked my dad why he still has my old report cards and sports trophies from when I was a kid, and he said

it's not that he's proud of my grades or my athletic skills, but because they're the only things I haven't borrowed money from him to pay for.

My dad told me he wanted a very specific Father's Day gift: something that would help him maintain optimal home comfort.

So I got him a sweater, and he said, 'Perfect! Now I can finally turn the thermostat down even lower without anyone complaining.'

My dad's love language is apparently 'home improvement projects'

because this Father's Day, he's 'hammering' home the point that I'm helping him finish the deck... again.

I asked my dad if the burgers were ready on Father's Day.

He just flipped one with his tongs and said, 'Not yet! They're still trying to *meat* my expectations!'