What's a vampire's favorite social media app?

Face-bite!

What did the candy say when it got old?

I'm all wrapped up in the past

Why did Dracula get a bad performance review at his new office job?

His manager said he wasn't pulling his *weight*... he was just sucking the *life* out of everyone.

Why did the vampire go to the dance party?

Because he heard it was a bloody good time.