Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

I told my kids we were going to a grape concert tonight

They weren't amused, but I thought it was a crushing success

I went to the doctor and said, 'Doc, I've got a problem, I've been feeling a little horse lately'

I told my wife she was going to start a tree-mendous gardening career

but she just wanted to branch out and try something new