I'm starting to think the only asset I'll ever own is a decent wifi connection

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update, but my manager said

that wouldn't be 'collaborative' – code for 'I like hearing myself talk'.

I'm trying to buy a house, but the market is crazy

I've got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a mortgage with a payment that's less than my student loan

I finally finished my masterpiece.

It's a spreadsheet tracking all my subscription services.