I've been trying to improve my emotional intelligence in therapy

but it's hard when my therapist charges by the hour to listen to me explain why I'm right

My boss told me to 'manifest a positive outcome'

when I asked for a raise.

My CEO just told everyone, 'We're a family here!'

I immediately checked my organ donor status.

I asked my boomer dad for housing advice

He said 'just save up and put 20% down', which is like telling me to 'just buy a unicorn and ride it to work'