I asked my manager if I could stop coming to meetings that could've been emails, and they said

it's about 'being present' and 'synergy' – code for 'I don't trust you to actually read the email'.

I've been trying to save up for a down payment on a house

but at this rate, I'll be able to afford a mortgage when I'm eligible for a senior discount

Boomers say they bought a house for the price of a car back in their day.

Now, I can barely afford the gas to drive *to* an open house.

I'm at the point where I'm considering a 30-year mortgage

which is also the expected lifespan of my avocado toast-fueled liver