Our manager said we're a family here, which is why

I'm waiting for my yearly performance review to find out if I'm getting disowned or not

I've been trying to afford a house in my area

but the only thing I can afford is a timeshare in my parents' basement

I asked my parents for housing advice, and they said to just 'save up' and 'be patient'

which is easy to say when your mortgage is paid off and avocado toast was 50 cents

I'm at the point where I'm considering a 30-year mortgage

which is also the expected lifespan of my avocado toast-fueled liver