I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into personal growth' and 'loves self-improvement books'

But his favorite author was his ex's therapist

My friend just described herself as 'low-maintenance' because she only buys one type of moisturizer.

And I thought, 'Honey, I just spent ten minutes deciding if my bra straps were visible enough to be an accessory or an oversight. That's *my* version of 'just rolling out of bed'.'

My morning commute isn't just me stuck in traffic.

It's the opening scene of my gritty urban drama, and every car around me is just an extra in my carefully curated B-roll.

I matched with a guy on a dating app who claimed to be a 'dog dad'

But his photos were all of him holding other people's dogs