I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

So I was at the beach with my family, and we saw a man selling seashells. He had all sorts of shells in different shapes and sizes, and my kids were fascinated by them. The vendor told us that he had been collecting them for years and had become quite the expert

at shell-ing out advice

Why did the cat join a band?

Because it wanted to be the purr-cussionist

I'm a baker now, but I'm feeling crumby about my new career choice.