Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged

I'm having a grape time at the wine festival, it's a crushing experience.

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'

I'm trying to start a career as a baker, but I'm struggling to knead the dough.