I was trying to help your mom put together this new bookshelf she bought online. The instructions were really complicated, and it had about a million little pieces.

After an hour of struggling, she threw her hands up and said, 'I just can't make sense of it!' I said, 'Well, honey, sometimes you just have to *shelf* your frustrations for a bit and try again!'

So I was watching a nature show with the kids about different kinds of trees, and we saw some really tall ones. My daughter asked me if all trees were good at remembering things.

I told her, 'No, only the ones with good mem-oaks!'

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!