Our manager said we're a family here, which is why

I'm waiting for my yearly performance review to find out if I'm getting disowned or not

I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

My therapist suggested I find a hobby to de-stress.

So now I just stress about whether I'm monetizing my hobbies enough.

My parents asked if I'm saving for a down payment.

I told them I'm saving for the societal collapse – feels more realistic.