I was talking to the groom about his expectations for married life

He said he's looking forward to having a partner in crime, and I think he's going to get that – every time they look at their joint bank statement

My wife and I went on a road trip recently, and I realized marriage is a lot like navigation.

I get to choose the destination, and she tells me which turn I should have taken three exits ago.

They say marriage is all about compromise.

Which, in our house, means I get to control the thermostat... when my wife isn't looking.

We started planning our dream wedding with a modest budget and a simple guest list.

Then our parents got involved, and now we're just trying to find a second mortgage to cover the open bar.