He told me he was an 'alpha male' who 'takes charge' and 'knows what he wants.'

Then spent ten minutes asking his phone what the weather was like tomorrow.

I was trying to open a jar of pickles yesterday, and it just wouldn't budge.

I didn't just struggle; I dropped to my knees, looked up at the ceiling, and delivered a full Shakespearean monologue about the futility of human endeavor against the unyielding forces of the universe, all to the backdrop of a soaring orchestral score only I could hear.

I was at the coffee shop this morning, and the barista asked for my name.

I paused, looked directly into their eyes, and whispered, 'Just... *the girl*.' Then I winked, like I was in a trailer for my own coming-of-age indie film.

I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into traveling' and 'loves trying new cultures'

But his passport had exactly two stamps: Cabo and his parents' timeshare in Orlando