I love how some restaurants put 'artisanal' on their menus

like that's supposed to excuse the fact that I'm paying $12 for a grilled cheese sandwich made by a 20-year-old named Chad

I tried to channel my inner 'wellness guru' this morning and started my day with a green smoothie and 15 minutes of journaling.

Then I spent the next hour frantically searching for my car keys, only to find them in the fridge next to the kale.

I was running errands the other day

and I narrated my entire trip to the post office in a David Attenborough voice, because even mailing a package can be a wildlife documentary if you commit to it

I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into photography'

His camera roll was 90% selfies and 10% poorly lit meals