I was running errands yesterday and I decided to give my day a cinematic score

Now every time I'm at the DMV, I'm the heroine of a sci-fi epic, and the hold music is just the sound of my spaceship hovering over the planet Bureaucracy

Guys love to put 'fluent in sarcasm' in their dating app bios.

Which I guess is easier than being fluent in, you know, 'replying to texts' or 'asking follow-up questions'.

I cleaned out my purse today, and it wasn't just old receipts and lipstick.

It was a forensic deep dive into every single thought I’ve had in the last three months that I didn’t write down anywhere else, plus a rogue French fry.

He told me he was an 'alpha male' who 'takes charge' and 'knows what he wants.'

Then spent ten minutes asking his phone what the weather was like tomorrow.