My dad's neighbors think he's a professional landscaper

but really he just has a lot of free time and a riding lawn mower

I asked my dad what he was most proud of as a father on Father's Day

He said it wasn't the achievements or milestones, but the fact that I still come to him for advice, even though I never take it

My dad's garage is so organized,

he can find a screw from 1992 faster than I can find my car keys.

My dad said he didn't need a thing for Father's Day this year.

But then he added, 'Unless you happen to know where my *other* tape measure is. The good one.'