Alright everyone, as I get ready to carve this magnificent turkey...

...I just want to warn you all that I'm about to make some *cutting remarks*.

Why did the turkey refuse to play cards?

He was afraid of getting plucked!

Why did the cranberry sauce go to the doctor?

It was feeling a little tart!

In my family, Thanksgiving dinner is like a competitive sport.

The winner is whoever can deflect the most personal questions without choking on a dinner roll.