My girlfriend just bought a new pressure cooker.

She says she loves all the build-up, and then a good, controlled release.

Why did the escort bring a ladder on her date?

She wanted to take things to the next level.

My girlfriend told me she wanted something for her birthday that she could ride all night long.

So I went out and bought her a Peloton.

I told my girlfriend she was amazing in bed, and she asked me to be more specific.

So I said, 'You're great at hiding the evidence, but sometimes I feel like I'm the one being investigated.'