This guy's dating app bio said he was a 'hopeless romantic.'

Turns out, he was just hopeless at romance, because his big move was sending me a TikTok on 'how to make her obsessed with you.'

My date was running 15 minutes late, which was actually perfect, because it gave me just enough time...

...to frantically clear the pile of 'clothes I tried on and rejected' from my bed and shove the three empty La Croix cans into the recycling bin, so my apartment looked effortlessly tidy instead of a pre-date war zone.

He said I was 'too picky' because I wanted a guy who could hold a conversation and, you know, ideally have a job.

Meanwhile, his dating profile said 'seeking a woman who's naturally gorgeous, a gourmet chef, and loves watching all 8 seasons of my favorite anime.' Pretty sure we have different definitions of 'picky,' fellas.

I matched with a guy on a dating app whose bio said he was looking for 'someone who can keep up'.

My main hobbies are doomscrolling and wondering if I locked the front door. I think I'm gonna need a head start.