I was parallel parking yesterday, which, for me, is usually a low-stakes exercise in mild panic.

But with my main character energy, I reversed so slowly and deliberately, eyes narrowed, as if I were a master spy expertly maneuvering a getaway vehicle to a dramatic orchestral score only I could hear.

My morning commute isn't just me stuck in traffic.

It's the opening scene of my gritty urban drama, and every car around me is just an extra in my carefully curated B-roll.

I went on a date with a guy who said he's 'really into old movies' and 'loves reading classic literature'

But when I asked him about his favorite book, he said 'uh, The Notebook' and I realized he's been getting his literary credentials from his ex's Netflix queue

I saw a guy's social media post about 'manifesting his dreams' and 'being a go-getter'

but his LinkedIn profile says he's been a 'freelance social media consultant' for 5 years, which is just code for 'I still live with my parents'