Why did the vampire go to the dance party?

Because he heard it was a bloody good time.

Why did Medusa have so much trouble returning her online purchases?

Every time she called customer service, they just froze.

Why did the goblin go to the career counselor?

Because it wanted to find a job that was a good fit for its skill set and didn't involve hiding under bridges all day.

Why was the mummy always so bad at using his new smartphone?

He kept getting completely wrapped up in the apps!