I was at the grocery store this morning, looking for some ingredients for dinner. I needed some mushrooms for the stir-fry, and I spotted a huge pile of them in the produce section.

I thought to myself, 'These look like a lot of fun-guys!'

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

She said, "That's a waist of good bread!"

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised