I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby about my career choices.

So I was watching a nature show with the kids about different kinds of trees, and we saw some really tall ones. My daughter asked me if all trees were good at remembering things.

I told her, 'No, only the ones with good mem-oaks!'

I'm shell-shocked by how much I love oysters, they're a real pearl of a snack.

Why did the clock get sent to the principal's office?

Because it kept tocking too much!