What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!

I bought a bunch of bananas at the store yesterday, but when I got home, I noticed one of them looked really sad and bruised. It was practically falling apart.

I guess it was feeling un-peel-y.

So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a guy playing fetch with his dog. The dog was really good at catching the ball, but the owner was having trouble throwing it straight. I asked him if he was using a special technique to throw the ball, and he said

he was paws-itive it would improve with practice

I told my kids we were going to a grape concert

but it was just a bunch of wine singers