Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!