I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised.

What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.

So I was at the museum with my kids, and we saw an exhibit on ancient Egypt. The kids were fascinated by the mummies and the pyramids, and we started learning about pharaohs and their tombs. I asked the tour guide if they had found any interesting artifacts recently

and he said they had uncovered a lot of old 'wrap'!