I've realized I essentially have two completely separate wardrobes now.

There's the 'present me' wardrobe, which is 90% comfortable leggings and oversized sweaters. And then there's the 'aspirational me' wardrobe, full of tailored blouses and impractical heels, patiently waiting for a life I'm apparently too busy or tired to live.

This guy's dating app bio said he was a 'hopeless romantic.'

Turns out, he was just hopeless at romance, because his big move was sending me a TikTok on 'how to make her obsessed with you.'

I bought a new pair of jeans that actually have real, functional pockets.

I've been carrying my phone, wallet, and keys in them all week, just walking around the house, marveling at the sheer novelty.

I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.