I swear, the most anxiety-inducing moment of my day isn't forgetting my keys or running late for work.

It's realizing my phone is at 15% and I still haven't scrolled through my friend's 30-part Instagram story about her weekend brunch.

My morning coffee isn't just a caffeine fix.

It's a carefully curated montage scene, complete with a soulful indie soundtrack and me staring pensively out the window, probably about to write a groundbreaking novel or crack a cold case.

I went on a date with a guy who said he was a 'minimalist'

His apartment had 12 video game consoles and a signed poster of himself

My performance review said I needed to 'soften my delivery' while simultaneously being 'more decisive.'

So now I just deliver all my tough decisions with a gentle pat on the head and a freshly baked cookie.