I swear some guys on dating apps say they want a 'low-maintenance' woman.

But then expect her to show up looking like she just finished a photoshoot. Honey, my 'low-maintenance' look involves dry shampoo and a prayer.

I've started using a planner to organize my life, which is just a nice way of saying

I'm paying $20 to write down all the things I'm not going to do

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said he was a 'dog dad' with a 'heart of gold'

But his only photos were of him holding someone else's dog

My male colleague got a promotion and immediately started delegating all the 'team morale' tasks to me.

Apparently, my natural ability to remember birthdays and organize potlucks is now considered a 'leadership quality.'