My morning commute isn't just traffic.

It's the opening credits of my own indie film, complete with a custom soundtrack, dramatic lighting, and me staring pensively out the window, knowing that *this* is the montage where I find my true calling.

I've noticed that guys on dating apps love to say they're 'foodies'

but their idea of 'fine dining' is just eating a whole pizza by themselves

I've started using a mindfulness app to help me stay focused throughout the day

Now I'm just mindfully aware of how much I'm procrastinating

Some guys on dating apps say they want a woman who's 'natural,' 'doesn't wear too much makeup,' 'low maintenance.'

But then you show up without a full glam squad and they look at you like you're an uncooked potato.