Our family's Thanksgiving dinner is like a war zone

but instead of bullets, we're dodging judgmental comments from our relatives

In my family, the most competitive event at Thanksgiving isn't football or eating the most pie.

It's seeing who can fall asleep on the couch first after dinner.

Alright, folks, before I start carving this magnificent bird, I just want to say...

This turkey is really *fowl-play*ing with my emotions!

Why did the cranberry sauce feel embarrassed?

Because it saw the turkey dressing!