Why did the cranberry sauce need a therapist?

It had too many jelly issues.

My dad spends weeks bragging about his 'secret recipe' for the Thanksgiving turkey.

The secret ingredient, we've discovered, is usually 20 extra minutes in the oven and a fire extinguisher.

Why does this magnificent turkey have such an incredible pull on everyone at the table?

Because it has amazing *gravy-ty*!

The main course at our Thanksgiving isn't turkey or stuffing.

It's the passive-aggressive commentary from across the table.