I'm at the point where I'm treating every minor setback like it's a dramatic plot twist

I just spilled coffee on my shirt and I'm pretty sure I heard a lone violin playing in the background

My performance review said I needed to 'soften my delivery' while simultaneously being 'more decisive.'

So now I just deliver all my tough decisions with a gentle pat on the head and a freshly baked cookie.

My morning commute isn't just a drive to work.

It's a high-stakes, character-defining journey, complete with a 'struggle montage' playlist and a wind machine (my car's AC on full blast).

I saw a TikTok where a woman showed her 'five-minute, natural glow' makeup routine.

Five minutes for her, maybe. For me, that's five minutes just to decide if I even *need* to put on a bra today.