I was at the grocery store, dramatically monologuing to myself about the meaning of life in the cereal aisle

when I realized I was just trying to decide between Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies

I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into traveling' and 'loves trying new cultures'

But his passport had exactly two stamps: Cabo and his parents' timeshare in Orlando

My coffee order was wrong this morning.

And I didn't just ask for it to be remade. I gave the barista a slow, dramatic stare, as if this minor inconvenience was the inciting incident for my entire origin story.

I matched with a guy on a dating app who claimed to be a 'free spirit' with a 'passion for adventure'

But his Instagram stories were just 12 consecutive posts of him eating the same breakfast burrito at his desk