So I was at the museum with my kids, and we saw an exhibit on ancient Egypt. The kids were fascinated by the mummies and the pyramids, and we started learning about pharaohs and their tombs. I asked the tour guide if they had found any interesting artifacts recently

and he said they had uncovered a lot of old 'wrap'!

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised

So I was at the coffee shop this morning, and the barista accidentally spilled some coffee all over the counter. He looked really flustered and apologized profusely.

I told him not to worry, because sometimes you just gotta *espresso* yourself.

We were on a road trip last weekend, driving through some farmlands. My son pointed out a huge bull in a field, fast asleep under a big oak tree, and asked me what I thought it was doing.

I said, 'Well, if it's sleeping, then it's a bulldozer!'