Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

Why did the man bring a compass on his date?

He wanted to take their relationship in a new direction.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional welder, and she's always trying to get me to help her join two pieces together in a strong and lasting bond.

She says it's all about the penetration and the heat of the moment.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'