I've been dating a clockmaker, and she's always trying to wind me up

My girlfriend asked if I could help her with her new air mattress.

She said she needed me to really 'pump it up' to make sure it was firm enough for us tonight.

My girlfriend got mad at me because I can never remember where I put my keys, but I always know exactly where she keeps her vibrator.

I told her, 'Honey, one offers the remote possibility of getting me out of the house, the other offers some friendly competition.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, said she wanted me to try 'anything I've always fantasized about.'

So I spent the night meticulously organizing my sock drawer, occasionally asking her if she liked the new filing system.