My girlfriend told me she wanted me to make her 'scream my name' in bed.

I said, 'Okay, but only if you promise to learn it first.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional arborist, and she's always trying to get me to branch out and try new things in the evening

My new auto body instructor told me if I wanted to get ahead, I needed to learn to really get my hands on it, work it until it was good and wet, and then push something long and firm deep inside.

He said to get the best finish, I'd need to keep applying pressure and rub it all the way until it started to shine.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more of an alpha male in bed.

I said, "Okay, but you'll have to start leaving me food on the floor."