My pottery instructor told me I really needed to work on my handling skills.

Now I'm much better at getting things wet and spinning them into shape.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to move in together to 'take our relationship to the next level.'

I said, 'Great, now you can finally see how long it takes for me to get off when I'm not faking it.'

I've been seeing a professional massage therapist to work out some knots, and she's been teaching me how to apply the right amount of pressure, get deep into the muscle, and finish with a happy ending.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to make her 'scream my name' in bed.

I said, 'Okay, but only if you promise to learn it first.'